Friday, March 30, 2007

a saturday at work. really can die. my arms feel so weak, my eye lids are suddenly so much heavier, my breath is little. i can hardly feel myself. i want to sleeeeeeeeeppppppppp................................... how man, how can i stay awake? i cant drink coffee or milo and i dont wanna drink tea. can someone pinch me, slap me and kick me. i really want to sleep. very very tired. if only we can come work at 12 on a saturday. sian.

later going to meet dada, donno where, but will be going home first to get his camera. was charging it last night so forgot to bring. stupid dumb retarded. wah die, more over i have nothing to do now, give me another 15mins and i will just knock off on my little tigger.

speaking of tigger, that reminds me of something. ytd there was a brutal assault in the office. i was in the command and control round checking the location of the vessel. when i stepped out of the office, i almost screamed my lungs out. my poor little tigger was lying there, DEAD, on the floor. who would be so cruel to do that!!!! heartless bastards. was actually quite mad but didnt show it. not to nice of me to do that but it wasnt too NICE of them to do that to my tigger too. morons. i dont know which barbaric murderer would have the heart to offend my poor little tigger. right now my baby tigger's corpse is lying still on my desk. i am showering it with all my love and warmth, hopefully it will bounce alive again.

ok, im bored at work. my little lamb is sitting on my monitor starring behind me. it always does that. kinda freaking sometimes. i wonder is she looking at my imaginery friend? if she is that means im not the only weirdo around. my little lamb is a weirdo too as she can see my imaginery friend. yes, i really wish my little lamb will come alive to play with me too. how cute and fun would that be to squeeze and hug a little woolie lamb. which is alive.

ok enough rubbish im going for breakfast. munch munch.

Cries of attitudelamb at 5:12 PM

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

im at work now, forgot to bring something really important. guess what?
ITS MY HP!!! HAHA!
i feel so irritated and dumb now, can do i live without my hp?
die la!
cant msg dada, donno what will he doing the whole day.
haiz.
just now was trying to call him, forgot his no. some weirdos answered the call. jeez.
yucks.
now i have nothing to do. i look stupid. wearing gloves in the office. cant help it, its really freezing cold here. shit man.

Cries of attitudelamb at 6:45 PM

Monday, March 26, 2007

stomach pain. dying soon. its those kinda feeling that makes u tremble so badly and yet u just cant go release those crap in you. that feeling sucks. it makes my goosebumps rise like that national flag. it makes my hands go weak and soft like lard.

i hope today will be a stress-free day. for now i have nothing to do. nothing to do => no stress. no stress => no pulling of hair. no pulling of hair => no difficulty in breathing. no difficulty in breathing => no butterfly in my tummy.

and it goes on...

the sudden rush of queasiness is really indescribable. the nauseousness twirls in my head, leaving my hands and feet cold and clamy. when that happens, i will find it hard to speak. so what do all these add up to? the reality of the work life. burrrrr, scary.

argh, i have no mood in everything. my brain just wouldnt stop worrying about everything i can think of. can i be like an animal? just put me to sleep. forever. (let me die or just kill me with a jab) worst of all, i really dont know what the hell is stressing me. come to think of it, there is nothing to be worried about now. so why cant the squishy squashy sponge up there just take a break. ah.

i wanna go on a holiday. to another country. somewhere with nice water, food, sun and bed. just imagine, how nice would that be huh. haha! yeah maybe i will, just keep working, stressing for now, save enough money before i run away. yeah! perfect plan. =) ya right. sigh. if life's that easy. ha.

yesterday i went church for confession. my sins are always the same. why aint i changing? i know i will go to hell. and i know everyone around me will. majority of the christians think that as long as they believe in God, they will go heaven. haha. bullshit. i will see them all in hell and i will wiggle wag my tongue at them. shaking my butt telling them what a fool they are. HAHA! dumb bells. just because they are christians, they think they can get away with every sinful things they do like any other human beings. so naive. even the holiess person sin, needless to say an ordinary guy like u and i.

ok i am freezing. i need to go poo poo.

Cries of attitudelamb at 6:15 PM

Saturday, March 24, 2007

why did i choose this color?

im feeling so down now.

i dont know why either.

i just feel sad.

i feel tired as well.

i want another ben and jerry's ice cream.

with you.

i dont think i have a reason to be sad.

though it is nothing,

its bothering me so much.

the fact that u called back

im sad.

very very sad.

but still u will say i have no reason to be sad.

because i've been bad before.

still i just wanted to hear u say

'sorry'

instead of denial

and accusation.

i was shocked.

i've always thought that im the only bad one.

being sinful and guilty for so long.

but i am wrong.

people are all the same.

so are you.

no different from me.

i've always seen u as a saint.

loving me.

u still do i know.

never setting eyes on anyone else.

but me.

though the love is still deep.

but at least now i know.

i dont have to feel guilty.

not anymore.

i have no intention to look back

i will not look back.

not anymore.

neither will i slow down

unless u hold me.

if not i will just keep walking.

away.

i am sad.

i am hurt.

i know how u'd felt.

now i am feeling the same.

but more painful.

because i am a girl.

i want to be strong

at least to look like it

though i am not.

2 years.

actually what've happened

its no big deal

why am i making a fuss out of it?

stupid me.

head pain.

heart pain.

how?




















still
.
.
.
.
i like it this way.

Cries of attitudelamb at 4:05 AM

Friday, March 23, 2007

Cries of attitudelamb at 6:48 AM

Saturday, March 17, 2007

i am going nuts.

i hate what i have to do. i hate it when they throw me a mission thats impossible. do i look like james bone? yea maybe my surname OO1 but HHHHEEELLO!!! it isnt OO7 right! wtf. stupid vessels. how can i get something delivered to a vessel when its leaving at night and i only received the order when its about knock off hour?! which idiotic hard working supplier will have the manpower to send that bloody thing down to that bloody vessel. omg! cant they just use their brain and think? all they do is just demand demand and complaint. they dont care how u are gonna get those items as long as they have the goods there on time before they sail off like FCUK UR FCUKING ASS U BLOODY SAILORS! if they need something urgent they could have informed the port captain the moment they hit singapore water. if its really too late then DONT DEMAND FOR AN IMMEDIATE RECEIVAL OF YOUR BLOODY GOODS! so pissed off.

today i am pissed with that stupid kimtrans empress vessel. that fcuking mother vessel i hope she drowns. (yeah maybe i'll have more work if that happens but HACK!) ya that fcuking vessel just cant stay in one bloody port for more than 5 hours. and even just for that bloody 5 hours, it has to be on a bloody sunday so which bloody supplier will be more than willing to help out? and yea there happened to be one BUT this particular one demands for so much information that i had to dig the bloody heart of mine out to show and acknowledge that i've surrendered. i've already went to the extend, tried to find whatever and do whatever i can for him but i really have no freaking idea where the fcuk is P06 in pasir panjang terminal! cant they just drive there with the stupid goods and ask those stevedores there. do i look like a pasir panjang map! i know im the purchaser i should provide the info but hello! those are for authorised people to access. not a little intern like me and who should i ask when there's no one working on a bloody saturday. shit man this people. really nuts. all my big boss, supervisors, seniors went off happily so who shall i consult in. i was really at the boiling point. no, in fact at the evaporating point. shit ah! hate it so much.

i feel so stress. i pity my guy. he has to take my ridiculous out burst of insult. my unreasonable mood swing. i feel so guilty for making him suffer like that but i really cant control my emotions at the end of the day. i really had to blow but he shouldnt be the one taking it. haiz. moreover he's going to NS soon. his friends had organised an outing for him to sentosa but me, as a gf, did not plan any programme for him before he entered the glorious torture in camp. i am such a pig.
i hate myself i hate the shit i am in now i hate what im going through now.

i have to go to the training camp later. i want a break. but i still can go on. i will stop when i have to. and when i have to, i definitely will.
they say its experience that u need for a job. and they say its education u need for a job. i say its both and another, THEIR BLOODY COMMON SENSE AND CONSIDERATION. bloody stupid shit.

Cries of attitudelamb at 3:54 AM

Thursday, March 15, 2007

i am sick. so sick. really bad flu. why? good question, i dont know how i got sick too. how irritating. i was freezing in the office today. i felt today was a really bad day for me. Candy and Li hui went Batam. Lianyi's extention. open ceremony. damn, wondering when will i have a chance to go too. anyway, Candy left me a hill of work. rushed it all this morning because i was really worried for my powerboat theory test tomorrow. just started studying it this afternoon and i was thinking, DIE! i cant get those lights in my head. its really confusing. anyway for the whole of today's noon i was really studying. really not ready for the test tomorrow. however i aint gonna let my hopes down. not yet.

mum's in malaysia. no one's home = no dinner. just cooked a packet of maggie mee. so pathetic. and yes i was reading the sailing club's blog. captain's really furious. didnt want to go for the camp actually but after reading the entries i decided to go. however i am reluctant now because of my flu. i HATE flu and sore throat. i'd rather go for fever. can i choose my illness in future, God? please?

right, work sleep shit dating and sailing. apparently that's my weekly event. HOW BORING! JEEX! met up with my poly classmates two days ago. glad everyone's doing well so far. i cant wait to earn a whole lot of chi ching.... ching ge ling a ling. hehe.. but moolah comes with hard work and im really suffering for it. though im sick and weak im still going all out. trying to look like im a super woman! i am!!!! =)

discovery: i love spiderman. i love tigger. i love winnie. and i love my little lamb. haha! ok im gonna have my dinner now. my dear bf is sick too. both sickos. him and i. haha! adios.

Cries of attitudelamb at 6:19 AM

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

hi all my boys and girls. haha, so how's life? erm, that sounds familiar. isnt that what dinah always say to start off a conversation? HAHA!

but seriously, how's life man!?! everyone's busy with work. so far..? so good... =) we may be eager to learn right now because we just started not long ago. anyway overheard my seniors' conversation today, seems like we'll taste the sourness of the work life in kimtrans pretty soon and thats when they have left. hmmmm, doesnt really affect my department does it?

well, i was having a short chat with my supervisor yesterday. abdul halim. cool guy. but he wants me to learn more! more than what i've been taught, more than the task im assigned to do. but, question is, how? i cant possibly just meddle with my colleagues' stuffs. bet they are superly uberly busy too. dont wish to bother or trouble them. so right now i am stressing at this statement my supervisor has made. what should i do? really. hopefully he will give me an answer soon. hopefully.

well, today is, by far the busiest working day. loads of stuffs to do. calling up the suppliers to rush them for the packing list & invoice and also sending out loads of requisitions for quotations. i like to get things done asap. today's work to be completed today. tomorrow has it's own tons of loads. thats something i realised about myself long ago but today, i am doubley sure about myself. i hope this spirit stays alive this way, i dont like to be lazy. i dont like to drag things. chop chop and tada!

oh i just remember my whole idea of blogging today. one really stupid reason. because i really have to announce this incident.

" i was on my way home in the bus, reading my novel. got dizzy after sometime so i kept my book and wanted to have a soundful smooth ride home. it was then i realised there's this lady on the phone sitting right behind me. i know its rude to listen to other peoples' private conversation whether or not its on the phone. however, this lady really really pissed me off. i didnt mean to listen to her conversation, consoling her friend on the other line whom i assume, just had a bitter break up. anyway, point is, every phrase and statement she made, she will add a "lor" behind. example, "he will come back to u de lor, i know he will one lor, actually u dont have to be so sad lor, u will get over it one lor." WTF MAN!!!!! LOR OUR HEAD LA!!!! wah piang! cannot tahan ah! i keep hearing this lor lor lor my head damn pain man, i really had the urge to just swing around and tell her off. its really damn irritating when i hear singaporeans speak in singlish to THAT EXTEND! well a combination of singlish and english a little here is really fine. i myself do that. BUT!! PLEASE DONT USE THOSE LAH, LOR, HOR, WOR IN EVERY STATEMENT DEAR PEOPLE!! its damn horrible and annoying. show's how low class u are. i cant help it but to steal a glance of her before i alighted the bus. much to my annoyance, its a lady in her early 20's with specs on. plump and plain. i was even more put off. (i know im mean but hello! thats me, cant help it.) thank goodness i did not show my unhappiness on my face. i was really about to eat her alive. but good i didnt, i wouldnt have the appetite to eat for the following weeks. not worth it."

yeah so MORALE of the story is, speak in proper english. especially in a crowded place. portray a nice image of yourself. speaking in singlish is fine i guess. thats what i do. i must admit my english is really horrendous. needless to say my chinese, it has long gone down the drain. must have made its way to the river delta. however, over usage of singlish is really not advisable. its annoying and it goes to show others how lousy your presentation is. the FUGLY singaporeans i will put it.

alright, now that im satisfied with my entry, i shall end here. i have not wash up. i stink. need a bath, read some pages of my novel before i call it a day!

Cries of attitudelamb at 5:11 AM

Saturday, March 03, 2007

to be continue from the previous entry....

was pissed of with my cousin. damn it man, birds of the same feather. like mother like daughter. cant help it. the petty family. am i like my mum? yeah to a certain extend we share some similarity. like duh! she's my mum la! maybe i took after the humbleness? and my dad's temper. controllable but will not tolerate nuisance when it surpasses it's limit. anyway, aint gonna let this little stuff affect my jovial mood. because working is great. maybe tiring, but i cant wait to learn. my seniors dont really give me much work, because im new and they areb usy. but i am really dying and eager to learn. i dont like to just sit there playing solitare. its boring.

anyway i received my first pay for the end of feb ytd. $107.64. haha! yeah man, its a week's salary. i have to treat so many ppl. my aunt's family, my family, friends and importantly my dada. haha. treat finish there goes my one month salary. work so hard to please ppl. i hate this feeling. but its ok, once in a while is really fine with me and im glad to do it. but if its an "always", i really cant afford it. i wanna buy alot of stuffs for myself. hello, i work so hard so why should others benefit when they can also work hard to get the same pleasure. shheessh. yeah im selfish. so? haha! because money's hard to earn. i will treat the whole world lobsters if i can print money as and when i like. lol! dumbass dream.

oosh, alright still deciding whether to go for sailing or not. dada dont wan me to go but i feel like exercising. work everyday lunch eat good food. so weekend must really exercise la. moreover i just finisheda bowl of maggie mee and one popiah. bloaated man. xuete! im really sleepy i feel like calling it a day now but im still so full. cannot slp. if not tml wake sure look damn pregnant. to go or not to go? last week's training was treacherous. i surrender man. raise my white underwear. damn tiring la. kept stalling the sail. basket. captain scold me. more sian. wind damn strong. largie sian. but never capsize. heng man!

ok, lets see i'll blog again. chops.

Cries of attitudelamb at 5:03 AM

Friday, March 02, 2007

BROOOAARR! ok, im in the office now. suppose to be working but. erm, but? haiya no work to do la. my saturday shift suppose to be next week but not going because might have something on. make up today lor. haha.

been waking up at 6 for the whole of this week. so damn blardy tired. work is about wearing heels and running about. my feet hurts. i am under the purchase department. pretty cool haha! starting to get a hang of it. lol. its about getting quotations etc.

daryl called me two days ago regarding the FO camp. sorry couldnt help. publication is craazy work. my bf will kill me if he knows im so busy with this kinda stuffs. so gotta be understanding and fair to him. moreover now im seeing him lesser. =)

miss everyone so much. work and school is so different. sch i get to dress in comfortable clothes, play with my friends but work is more like, work. but one good thing is, the ppl here are fun. and lunch is great, manager brings us out for good food. anyway i gotta work now.

*twist*

Cries of attitudelamb at 4:12 PM

The Lady

• *Mary


• *08121989


• *screwed up dreams


• *God's first


• *dada,norch&jelly


• *loves herself

Navigations

• sabri


• eve


• jiawen


• yunshan


• wenting


• ain


• nisah


• dinah


• cheryl


• nicole


• grace


• jasmin


• melissa


• jooting


• xinni


• maryann


• kiantat


• soomei


• shiqi


• gary


• sailing club


• sp website


• youtube

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