attitudelamb

new blog

2007-05-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION ALL

i managed to get my butt into my blog again. but ive created a new one. check it out k.

these are the following blogs i own:
NEW----- www.attitudelamb.blogspot.com
THIS-----http://www.maryhasnolamb.blogspot.com
WHILE MAD----- http://attitudelamb.livejournal.com

from now on i will be updated the NEW one so do change your links when u are free. but if u choose to ignore its ok, i am not gonna delete this blog anyway. =) i love all my blogs.

2007-04-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

i am fuming with anger. at what? at MYSELF!!! fucking hell u would be laughing till your butt fume and ur teeth shaking because what i am angry at is really damn dumb but i bet anyone of u will be.

scene is.....

yeah, i am so happy. tml i have off. evening for camp till sunday. finally can wake up damn late tml la. but at night the night activity ends sibei late man. sian ji bua. nvm la tml wake up later can liao... a few mins later, dada called. tml toe operation in the morning, tml i off can acc him. wah piang eh, of all the timing why in the morning when i finally can slp???? sian man!

ok what is the irritating part of the story, it is me being angry bcoz i cant get to slp. isnt it totally dumb. i feel so kiddy and selfish. but really i was so happy and now i am now. i feel bad for not wanting to acc him to the hosp knowing that i wont get to see him during the weekends. but a part of me feels guilty yet the other part of me feels angry. angry because i have to get up early. guilty because i actually chose slp to him. fuck the shit in me man fucking hell.

i really dont understand why must i get so worked up because i cant sleep. and now that i know i have to wake up early tml yet i still want to come online to vent my anger thus wasting more time but i know if i go to bed now i wouldnt slp because i just feel so unhappy and not at ease. i feel like there's something bothering me so badly that i just felt like screaming the hell outta me now.

damn myself. damn damn damn. such an ass. ok, i feel much better now. go slp shoo shoo. i will go with him. tml morning. fcuk my attitude. i really have serious bad attitude.

2007-04-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

yawns. yawns. yawns again. Sunday ah! no sailing. stay at home. just now went to bb mrt met dada for a lil while. he gave me this huge turtle. it looked exactly like him. botak, round and its damn cute la! HAHAHA! i love it! thanks honey. =P

ok ytd went shopping with dada at imm, giant. he wanted to buy some stuffs to bring back to camp. haha, and i almost forgot. on friday when i went to lot 1 to meet him after his first 10 days in camp, i got a shock of my life when i saw him. seriously i couldnt recognise him at all. now i know why he got bullied. my dada looked like a potato coach! like gong gong sotong. damn funny. not nice not nice. cannot cut botak. make him look very dumb. got hair nicer. haha. but still very hugable. i like. haha. ok ya back to ytd. shopping shopping. its really fun shopping together. i like pushing the trolley. lols. after buying all neccessities, we went to our fav fast food in imm, long john silver!!! cheap, filling and yummy. hee.

when all's done, took a cab, he dropped me off and i headed to poly marina for the prep camp. learnt some games and songs. not much actually. there will be 3 grps. xinni and grace pair. gary and i pair. denesh and kian yong pair. one les one gay and one normal. HAHA! game aint that torturous la. thank goodness lor. but seriously i do hope the camp will turn out fun. though i have a sense of dread. right anyway, we went to tiong bahru for dinner after the crap. gary's recommendation. not bad gary! thumbs up. haha. spice was good but i ordered the wrong dish. beehoon goreng there isnt good at all. its so damn moist and i had a hard time trying to swollow it. managed to gobble up only half of the plate. next station we went to the chinese food house. wah liao! the peanut butter with condensed milk toast is yummilicious la! the toast is like super uber thick and eat mouth sent us to heaven. with a bowl of white fungus desert, its really soothing. the atmosphere is good too. we gossiped and crapped and laughed and farted. ok maybe the last's not in but we had fun. went home when its late, walked to the mrt station, kinda far actually.. and a goooooddd sleeeppp..

right, so today is quiet. home home. gonna watch 'braveheart' later. do some exercises. shower. church. eat. slp. tomorrow gotta work. so so reluctant. i miss school. so much. =( i dont like to work. i hate the stress and responsibility. though its not like always but still i dont like waking up early in the morning just when the sun is rising..

ok its a gloomy weather. enough of blogging. ciao.

2007-04-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

hohoho.. im actually back to playing neopets due to the influence of some colleagues here. senior colleagues i must say. HAHA! and im quite surprised to know the fact that one of the GM here, mother of two, actually plays maple. haha. that shows that adults are young at heart.

having tummy cramps now. feel kinda weak. but still i hope today will be a better day. its tuesday. another 3 more days and dada will be out of camp. roarhahaha! =) there are many stupid things i wanna blog abt. but i need some time to recall what stupid things are they.

on sunday i wanted so badly to borrow or buy the exocism of emily rose. but i ended up buying the show braveheart. haven watch it but when i am free i will. i have an urge to buy the show aja, geum soon! the korean drama thats now showing on channel u every night at 7pm. but it cost 70 bucks. for the whole set. quite cheap actually but to poor ppl like me its actually a bomb. and i really cant bear to just slide my card for that. not worth it huh. that stupid video ezy dvd/vcd rental shop, bloody hell. all open in the east and north area, west are only 1 or 2. shit la! i wanna borrow oso so inconvenient. waste my membership. bloody 5 dollars. arse luck.

ya and time now is only 11.13am. still early. everyone's busy but me. i am supposed to be busy but no signature means no work. too bad. =) i just got my monkey back, my dear dear monkey wenting gave to me on my birthday. dont know which birthday but i love it. or is it a christmas exchange gift? ok wadeva way i got it, i know its from my dear wenting. hee. i miss my friends so much. those i see new friends everyday, my old friends i do miss their stupid jokes.

was chatting with sab two days ago. haiz, how i wish everyone's around. i want a gathering someday. just us and no one else. we can go eat the you mian dry. go to our old hang outs. go do stupid things and describe shits. go cut hair and watch movies. all those craps. i miss secondary school life. i miss going to taf club. i miss those strenous trainings. i miss my 60 kg weight. LOL!!! thats the lightest i've been for ur info. never hit a 50 mark before. lol!

right anyway, i want to learn diving. beautiful fishes, swimming with sharks, rays and baracudas. isnt it thrilling? ya, waiting for dada to complete ns i'll see if he is interested. we can go learn together. or i can get my crazy frenz to go with me. ish... thrill thrill. i wanna be on a coaster ride now. i feel like trying something earth shaking. =) im mad.

2007-04-10T19:47:00.000-07:00

haiz, my dada has been gone for 2 days le. not really used to it.

anyway, im having constipation. 1 week no shit man, die la. where did all the food go? i wonder. my stomach is like so bloated, round and hard. all the shit stored there. die la, i worried man, what if i get intestine cancer? AH!!! damn scary. my colleagues let me drink fibre gel, tea, eat fruits and veg also no use. haiz, i think my butt hole too small. maybe i should go for an enlargement. butthole enlargement. gays do that dont they? =)

alright, work's ok so far. no panic reports. but i bet all will be coming next week when my dear colleague suresh leaves. i will be handling all the old vessels myself and there are like so so so damn plenty of them. im dead. sigh.

i can feel the shit in my rectum but it just wouldnt come out no matter how hard i squeeze, and i dont intend to push too hard as i really dont wish to shit out my intestines or tear my butt hole. i bled on sat when i tried to push a five stone's size shit out of my butt hole. it was alot of blood. and it really freaked the hell outta me man. i was like traumatised in the toilet and i was yeaping for help. my menses cant be early by so many days and it was of course not my menses. ok i know im being digusting but who cares, i have constipation, i am suffering from depression bcoz i cant shit and i feel heavy. haha.

2007-04-09T07:01:00.000-07:00

alah its all my fault ok, i should have shutted up, i shouldnt have told u anything or said anything. i shouldnt have known anything in the first place. haiz, so regretful now. u failed because i made u feel pressurised. im sorry. i feel so guilty. its all my fault. blame me for everything ok, at least i'll feel better in disguise. i'll pay for ur next tp ok. but im sorry i cant make the date any sooner bcoz im not the one who sets the date. but in future if i ever own that driving center den i will ok. haiz i hate everything right now, everything and everyone including myself. why am i so suay, everything i say will always happen and its always the bad things. everything i feared i'll do wrong will definitely go wrong. whats wrong man. am i really that cursed. fuck la! fucking irritated and frustrated now. cursed bitch man me. but i really feel angry and guilty right now. i keep asking why. but i dont get a satisfying answer. haiya thats life la, ppl like to blame on others when things go wrong. its always, "haiya, if u nv tell me that then it wouldnt have happened." or "is he/she tell me one lor, i donno anything ok." ok for the first statement, yes maybe thats the case u got distracted bcoz some stupid bitch told u u will never ever make it but its ur own willingness that counts, ur attention and skills, ur knowledge. and its not always the stupid bitch who says u can never make it, she might say u can, its just a possibility of not as thats what happens in most cases, however she's to be blame but not wholely. as for the second statement, yes that asshole who told u is at fault but u have to take responsibility for ur actions too. cant possibly let that asshole take all the blame, what u can do is help correct the mistake and not make the same mistakes again. am i wrong to say so? argh, im so angry and hot and smelly and suckie. i am such a bitch. fuck off.

2007-04-05T22:44:00.000-07:00

today is Good Friday.
the day Christ died. bet it will rain later.

rightie, going to church soon. mass at 3pm. such a slow day. yesterday was a really crazy day. it was also my busiest day in SKL so far. from morning 8am, i started working all the way till 1pm. didnt have the time to have my lunch as i had to rush a list of orders for kts romeo as she will be leaving this morning to tuas jetty and she will only arrive yesterday at 6pm. had so much things to purchase for her. couldnt get some items, like a tv without antenna, torch light without batteries. haha! and no detergine. die la! anyway the last order was the lube oil. will be sending it over tomorrow. but other than that, i had to make an appointment for two vessels both with a barge. had to communicate with the agents in phillipines. could really understand what they're saying. i called this guy, an ang moh and he was having his holiday in cambodia. so embarrassed to disturb him while he was on a vacation. luckily he was very helpful and friendly. ya, so by the time i finish making the appointments it was kinda late and i have yet to purchase those items for kts romeo. rushed like mad. done everything by 6pm. have two more list of items to purchase for the two vessels i hate most. kts jade and emperor. two bloody ships with lotsa problem. hate it. anyway im leaving it aside first, shall deal with it on monday.

after which we stayed in the office waiting for my colleagues and manager to return from the survey of kts romeo before we head of to westmall for sakae sushi. supplier treating us. gavin and jayden. those we quoted the damn expensive ropes. haha, they were asking why has it been so quiet lately. no orders from us and we were kinda embarrassed to say because their quotes are really too high compared to the other companies. haha. anyway had sashimi. yummilicious. im in love with salmon. haha! its really great man. total bill was 400++. not because we ate alot but it was the table behind us, my extra colleagues who tagged along for free dinner. they sat at the other table so they were not shy to eat. kept ordering sashimi man those idiots. damn funny la. and they were the least shy about it. so thick skin. they are really hilarious people. haha. when to the arcade to play the saucer thing. then we went to kbox at dhouby ghaut there. stayed there till 4 before our manager sent us home. damn tired man. had a short nap in the kbox while those crazy ppl sang. haha, i was woken up by my stupid manager's horrid singing. he was sing twist and shake and he was so loud. haha and they were laughing so loudly. had fun.

ok im going to shower. needa go church man. woosh.

2007-03-30T17:12:00.000-07:00

a saturday at work. really can die. my arms feel so weak, my eye lids are suddenly so much heavier, my breath is little. i can hardly feel myself. i want to sleeeeeeeeeppppppppp................................... how man, how can i stay awake? i cant drink coffee or milo and i dont wanna drink tea. can someone pinch me, slap me and kick me. i really want to sleep. very very tired. if only we can come work at 12 on a saturday. sian.

later going to meet dada, donno where, but will be going home first to get his camera. was charging it last night so forgot to bring. stupid dumb retarded. wah die, more over i have nothing to do now, give me another 15mins and i will just knock off on my little tigger.

speaking of tigger, that reminds me of something. ytd there was a brutal assault in the office. i was in the command and control round checking the location of the vessel. when i stepped out of the office, i almost screamed my lungs out. my poor little tigger was lying there, DEAD, on the floor. who would be so cruel to do that!!!! heartless bastards. was actually quite mad but didnt show it. not to nice of me to do that but it wasnt too NICE of them to do that to my tigger too. morons. i dont know which barbaric murderer would have the heart to offend my poor little tigger. right now my baby tigger's corpse is lying still on my desk. i am showering it with all my love and warmth, hopefully it will bounce alive again.

ok, im bored at work. my little lamb is sitting on my monitor starring behind me. it always does that. kinda freaking sometimes. i wonder is she looking at my imaginery friend? if she is that means im not the only weirdo around. my little lamb is a weirdo too as she can see my imaginery friend. yes, i really wish my little lamb will come alive to play with me too. how cute and fun would that be to squeeze and hug a little woolie lamb. which is alive.

ok enough rubbish im going for breakfast. munch munch.

2007-03-28T18:45:00.000-07:00

im at work now, forgot to bring something really important. guess what?
ITS MY HP!!! HAHA!
i feel so irritated and dumb now, can do i live without my hp?
die la!
cant msg dada, donno what will he doing the whole day.
haiz.
just now was trying to call him, forgot his no. some weirdos answered the call. jeez.
yucks.
now i have nothing to do. i look stupid. wearing gloves in the office. cant help it, its really freezing cold here. shit man.

2007-03-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

stomach pain. dying soon. its those kinda feeling that makes u tremble so badly and yet u just cant go release those crap in you. that feeling sucks. it makes my goosebumps rise like that national flag. it makes my hands go weak and soft like lard.

i hope today will be a stress-free day. for now i have nothing to do. nothing to do => no stress. no stress => no pulling of hair. no pulling of hair => no difficulty in breathing. no difficulty in breathing => no butterfly in my tummy.

and it goes on...

the sudden rush of queasiness is really indescribable. the nauseousness twirls in my head, leaving my hands and feet cold and clamy. when that happens, i will find it hard to speak. so what do all these add up to? the reality of the work life. burrrrr, scary.

argh, i have no mood in everything. my brain just wouldnt stop worrying about everything i can think of. can i be like an animal? just put me to sleep. forever. (let me die or just kill me with a jab) worst of all, i really dont know what the hell is stressing me. come to think of it, there is nothing to be worried about now. so why cant the squishy squashy sponge up there just take a break. ah.

i wanna go on a holiday. to another country. somewhere with nice water, food, sun and bed. just imagine, how nice would that be huh. haha! yeah maybe i will, just keep working, stressing for now, save enough money before i run away. yeah! perfect plan. =) ya right. sigh. if life's that easy. ha.

yesterday i went church for confession. my sins are always the same. why aint i changing? i know i will go to hell. and i know everyone around me will. majority of the christians think that as long as they believe in God, they will go heaven. haha. bullshit. i will see them all in hell and i will wiggle wag my tongue at them. shaking my butt telling them what a fool they are. HAHA! dumb bells. just because they are christians, they think they can get away with every sinful things they do like any other human beings. so naive. even the holiess person sin, needless to say an ordinary guy like u and i.

ok i am freezing. i need to go poo poo.

2007-03-24T04:05:00.000-07:00

why did i choose this color?

im feeling so down now.

i dont know why either.

i just feel sad.

i feel tired as well.

i want another ben and jerry's ice cream.

with you.

i dont think i have a reason to be sad.

though it is nothing,

its bothering me so much.

the fact that u called back

im sad.

very very sad.

but still u will say i have no reason to be sad.

because i've been bad before.

still i just wanted to hear u say

'sorry'

instead of denial

and accusation.

i was shocked.

i've always thought that im the only bad one.

being sinful and guilty for so long.

but i am wrong.

people are all the same.

so are you.

no different from me.

i've always seen u as a saint.

loving me.

u still do i know.

never setting eyes on anyone else.

but me.

though the love is still deep.

but at least now i know.

i dont have to feel guilty.

not anymore.

i have no intention to look back

i will not look back.

not anymore.

neither will i slow down

unless u hold me.

if not i will just keep walking.

away.

i am sad.

i am hurt.

i know how u'd felt.

now i am feeling the same.

but more painful.

because i am a girl.

i want to be strong

at least to look like it

though i am not.

2 years.

actually what've happened

its no big deal

why am i making a fuss out of it?

stupid me.

head pain.

heart pain.

how?

still
.
.
.
.
i like it this way.

2007-03-23T06:48:00.000-07:00

DIE LAH!

thats my colleague's favourite phrase. HAHA! it is influential. however, this time confirm DIE LIAO LA!!!! im like so damn phat la. i realised i've put on nearly 10kgs since i left secondary school. that is 22lbs (pounds). feeling so down. why so phat!!! i dont feel like using that "F" infront because it will make me feel more demoralised.

anyway, the "go-away-phats" season hasnt come for so freaking long! i guess its never coming back. i have to do something! i will do something. watch me people. i will do something to change what i am now. cannot remain in this size if not sure DIE LA!!!

ok tomorrow is my alternate off saturday. going to meet up my bf. we only meet up once or twice a week. he's going army soon. OMG!!!! i'll be so lonely and he will be so far away getting rid of his phats so i have to get rid of mine too if not we will look like clowns when we stand together. no, more like i will look like a clown standing next to him. i dont want to be phatter than my guy. its bad bad bad.

right anyway, enough about those phatty talks. today when i was going to work, on my way dragging my feet to the shuttle area, i saw this indian guy who's wearing this really weird color combination clothes. he walked pass me and the color struck my eyes. a faint greyish white long sleeve shirt and a BRIGHT SHOCKING ORANGE pants. what do u think? yeah i am mean. opps? haha! i wanted to take a picture of it but i figured by the time i take out the camera he would have been gone as he seems to be walking in a flying speed.

oh some pictures of my colleagues. these are the people i see from monday to friday. my funny group of seniors.

candy and i. she's the one who teaches me everything im doing now. =)

xuemin and i. she came one week after i came but she is a perm staff. very very tall lady.

huiwen and i. she is the one who brought xuemin in. very cute and funny girl.

there are many more colleagues but i have yet to have a picture with them. some other pictures i took recently.

SNAP. fake one la this smile.

my brother and i. that ugly pig.

last but not least!!!!!

my dearest dada and i. smile!!! =)

alright folks. thats all for today. im so dead tired. i will knock out in 5 mins. good night.

2007-03-17T03:54:00.000-07:00

i am going nuts.

i hate what i have to do. i hate it when they throw me a mission thats impossible. do i look like james bone? yea maybe my surname OO1 but HHHHEEELLO!!! it isnt OO7 right! wtf. stupid vessels. how can i get something delivered to a vessel when its leaving at night and i only received the order when its about knock off hour?! which idiotic hard working supplier will have the manpower to send that bloody thing down to that bloody vessel. omg! cant they just use their brain and think? all they do is just demand demand and complaint. they dont care how u are gonna get those items as long as they have the goods there on time before they sail off like FCUK UR FCUKING ASS U BLOODY SAILORS! if they need something urgent they could have informed the port captain the moment they hit singapore water. if its really too late then DONT DEMAND FOR AN IMMEDIATE RECEIVAL OF YOUR BLOODY GOODS! so pissed off.

today i am pissed with that stupid kimtrans empress vessel. that fcuking mother vessel i hope she drowns. (yeah maybe i'll have more work if that happens but HACK!) ya that fcuking vessel just cant stay in one bloody port for more than 5 hours. and even just for that bloody 5 hours, it has to be on a bloody sunday so which bloody supplier will be more than willing to help out? and yea there happened to be one BUT this particular one demands for so much information that i had to dig the bloody heart of mine out to show and acknowledge that i've surrendered. i've already went to the extend, tried to find whatever and do whatever i can for him but i really have no freaking idea where the fcuk is P06 in pasir panjang terminal! cant they just drive there with the stupid goods and ask those stevedores there. do i look like a pasir panjang map! i know im the purchaser i should provide the info but hello! those are for authorised people to access. not a little intern like me and who should i ask when there's no one working on a bloody saturday. shit man this people. really nuts. all my big boss, supervisors, seniors went off happily so who shall i consult in. i was really at the boiling point. no, in fact at the evaporating point. shit ah! hate it so much.

i feel so stress. i pity my guy. he has to take my ridiculous out burst of insult. my unreasonable mood swing. i feel so guilty for making him suffer like that but i really cant control my emotions at the end of the day. i really had to blow but he shouldnt be the one taking it. haiz. moreover he's going to NS soon. his friends had organised an outing for him to sentosa but me, as a gf, did not plan any programme for him before he entered the glorious torture in camp. i am such a pig.
i hate myself i hate the shit i am in now i hate what im going through now.

i have to go to the training camp later. i want a break. but i still can go on. i will stop when i have to. and when i have to, i definitely will.
they say its experience that u need for a job. and they say its education u need for a job. i say its both and another, THEIR BLOODY COMMON SENSE AND CONSIDERATION. bloody stupid shit.

2007-03-15T06:19:00.000-07:00

i am sick. so sick. really bad flu. why? good question, i dont know how i got sick too. how irritating. i was freezing in the office today. i felt today was a really bad day for me. Candy and Li hui went Batam. Lianyi's extention. open ceremony. damn, wondering when will i have a chance to go too. anyway, Candy left me a hill of work. rushed it all this morning because i was really worried for my powerboat theory test tomorrow. just started studying it this afternoon and i was thinking, DIE! i cant get those lights in my head. its really confusing. anyway for the whole of today's noon i was really studying. really not ready for the test tomorrow. however i aint gonna let my hopes down. not yet.

mum's in malaysia. no one's home = no dinner. just cooked a packet of maggie mee. so pathetic. and yes i was reading the sailing club's blog. captain's really furious. didnt want to go for the camp actually but after reading the entries i decided to go. however i am reluctant now because of my flu. i HATE flu and sore throat. i'd rather go for fever. can i choose my illness in future, God? please?

right, work sleep shit dating and sailing. apparently that's my weekly event. HOW BORING! JEEX! met up with my poly classmates two days ago. glad everyone's doing well so far. i cant wait to earn a whole lot of chi ching.... ching ge ling a ling. hehe.. but moolah comes with hard work and im really suffering for it. though im sick and weak im still going all out. trying to look like im a super woman! i am!!!! =)

discovery: i love spiderman. i love tigger. i love winnie. and i love my little lamb. haha! ok im gonna have my dinner now. my dear bf is sick too. both sickos. him and i. haha! adios.

2007-03-06T05:11:00.000-08:00

hi all my boys and girls. haha, so how's life? erm, that sounds familiar. isnt that what dinah always say to start off a conversation? HAHA!

but seriously, how's life man!?! everyone's busy with work. so far..? so good... =) we may be eager to learn right now because we just started not long ago. anyway overheard my seniors' conversation today, seems like we'll taste the sourness of the work life in kimtrans pretty soon and thats when they have left. hmmmm, doesnt really affect my department does it?

well, i was having a short chat with my supervisor yesterday. abdul halim. cool guy. but he wants me to learn more! more than what i've been taught, more than the task im assigned to do. but, question is, how? i cant possibly just meddle with my colleagues' stuffs. bet they are superly uberly busy too. dont wish to bother or trouble them. so right now i am stressing at this statement my supervisor has made. what should i do? really. hopefully he will give me an answer soon. hopefully.

well, today is, by far the busiest working day. loads of stuffs to do. calling up the suppliers to rush them for the packing list & invoice and also sending out loads of requisitions for quotations. i like to get things done asap. today's work to be completed today. tomorrow has it's own tons of loads. thats something i realised about myself long ago but today, i am doubley sure about myself. i hope this spirit stays alive this way, i dont like to be lazy. i dont like to drag things. chop chop and tada!

oh i just remember my whole idea of blogging today. one really stupid reason. because i really have to announce this incident.

" i was on my way home in the bus, reading my novel. got dizzy after sometime so i kept my book and wanted to have a soundful smooth ride home. it was then i realised there's this lady on the phone sitting right behind me. i know its rude to listen to other peoples' private conversation whether or not its on the phone. however, this lady really really pissed me off. i didnt mean to listen to her conversation, consoling her friend on the other line whom i assume, just had a bitter break up. anyway, point is, every phrase and statement she made, she will add a "lor" behind. example, "he will come back to u de lor, i know he will one lor, actually u dont have to be so sad lor, u will get over it one lor." WTF MAN!!!!! LOR OUR HEAD LA!!!! wah piang! cannot tahan ah! i keep hearing this lor lor lor my head damn pain man, i really had the urge to just swing around and tell her off. its really damn irritating when i hear singaporeans speak in singlish to THAT EXTEND! well a combination of singlish and english a little here is really fine. i myself do that. BUT!! PLEASE DONT USE THOSE LAH, LOR, HOR, WOR IN EVERY STATEMENT DEAR PEOPLE!! its damn horrible and annoying. show's how low class u are. i cant help it but to steal a glance of her before i alighted the bus. much to my annoyance, its a lady in her early 20's with specs on. plump and plain. i was even more put off. (i know im mean but hello! thats me, cant help it.) thank goodness i did not show my unhappiness on my face. i was really about to eat her alive. but good i didnt, i wouldnt have the appetite to eat for the following weeks. not worth it."

yeah so MORALE of the story is, speak in proper english. especially in a crowded place. portray a nice image of yourself. speaking in singlish is fine i guess. thats what i do. i must admit my english is really horrendous. needless to say my chinese, it has long gone down the drain. must have made its way to the river delta. however, over usage of singlish is really not advisable. its annoying and it goes to show others how lousy your presentation is. the FUGLY singaporeans i will put it.

alright, now that im satisfied with my entry, i shall end here. i have not wash up. i stink. need a bath, read some pages of my novel before i call it a day!

2007-03-03T05:03:00.000-08:00

to be continue from the previous entry....

was pissed of with my cousin. damn it man, birds of the same feather. like mother like daughter. cant help it. the petty family. am i like my mum? yeah to a certain extend we share some similarity. like duh! she's my mum la! maybe i took after the humbleness? and my dad's temper. controllable but will not tolerate nuisance when it surpasses it's limit. anyway, aint gonna let this little stuff affect my jovial mood. because working is great. maybe tiring, but i cant wait to learn. my seniors dont really give me much work, because im new and they areb usy. but i am really dying and eager to learn. i dont like to just sit there playing solitare. its boring.

anyway i received my first pay for the end of feb ytd. $107.64. haha! yeah man, its a week's salary. i have to treat so many ppl. my aunt's family, my family, friends and importantly my dada. haha. treat finish there goes my one month salary. work so hard to please ppl. i hate this feeling. but its ok, once in a while is really fine with me and im glad to do it. but if its an "always", i really cant afford it. i wanna buy alot of stuffs for myself. hello, i work so hard so why should others benefit when they can also work hard to get the same pleasure. shheessh. yeah im selfish. so? haha! because money's hard to earn. i will treat the whole world lobsters if i can print money as and when i like. lol! dumbass dream.

oosh, alright still deciding whether to go for sailing or not. dada dont wan me to go but i feel like exercising. work everyday lunch eat good food. so weekend must really exercise la. moreover i just finisheda bowl of maggie mee and one popiah. bloaated man. xuete! im really sleepy i feel like calling it a day now but im still so full. cannot slp. if not tml wake sure look damn pregnant. to go or not to go? last week's training was treacherous. i surrender man. raise my white underwear. damn tiring la. kept stalling the sail. basket. captain scold me. more sian. wind damn strong. largie sian. but never capsize. heng man!

ok, lets see i'll blog again. chops.

2007-03-02T16:12:00.000-08:00

BROOOAARR! ok, im in the office now. suppose to be working but. erm, but? haiya no work to do la. my saturday shift suppose to be next week but not going because might have something on. make up today lor. haha.

been waking up at 6 for the whole of this week. so damn blardy tired. work is about wearing heels and running about. my feet hurts. i am under the purchase department. pretty cool haha! starting to get a hang of it. lol. its about getting quotations etc.

daryl called me two days ago regarding the FO camp. sorry couldnt help. publication is craazy work. my bf will kill me if he knows im so busy with this kinda stuffs. so gotta be understanding and fair to him. moreover now im seeing him lesser. =)

miss everyone so much. work and school is so different. sch i get to dress in comfortable clothes, play with my friends but work is more like, work. but one good thing is, the ppl here are fun. and lunch is great, manager brings us out for good food. anyway i gotta work now.

*twist*

2007-02-15T03:45:00.000-08:00

well apparently alot of my darlings (people who cares for me), mistook my previous post. alright just to make it clear to all these darlings, IM OK and THANKS. i know u guys love me. hee.

ok, yesterday was valentine's day. so HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL MY SWEETIES! message to my dear ones:

DADA: hey honey! thanks for making ytd a special day. but everyday's valentine's day isnt it? hee. i love the boquet of flowers. (36 ROSES!! JEALOUS ANYONE? =D) ya its beautiful and im glad, finally u are buying me flowers but it will be better if u dared give it to me in the open. hee. =D anyway i was really happy yesterday and the movie was great. fantastic day. I LOVE U!! and mummy knows we went out. giggle snort fart. roar haha. and u are my only male valentine. now, then and always. i will not give u my heart bcoz i will die and no one will be there for u then, so i'll give u what i can give, say the kidney, liver, blood, etc. and nevertheless, my love. =)

CHERYL: my sexay crazy bitchy bitch! hey! u are my dearest best buddy in the whole wide world (*coughs* prolly da sao-gonna-be) giggles snort fart burp. i know u will pull ur hair and curse me for that but its ok. im used to it. and duh! i'll call u if im on the verge of breaking down. or maybe after i've broke down. hee. well u know me too well so what can i say huh. anyway, i'll be there for u too. 24/7. promise. =) and i wanna go out with u bloody idiot!! i miss bullying u and cracking the lamest kinda jokes with u. i like laughing like a maniac when i make crazy jokes out of u. i feel satisfied. u make me feel good man. wahaha! my lil guinea pig. too bad. borned to be played by me. and i love listening to ur endless nags, complains and watching ur "auntie" actions. its hilarious. look at urself next time babeh! haha! love ya tons!

BABES: dearest secondary sch and poly honeyzzz, sorry i couldnt celebrate this day with u guys becoz IM TAKEN AND WANTED AND LOVED AND RESERVED AND OCCUPIED AND NEEDED by someone else already. =) too bad! wahahaha! ok, i know u guys will be mumbling,"what ever!" under your breathe now but its ok. call me thick skin or a fat wobbly blob of fats or whatever u want, it doesnt matter bcoz as long as u guys know that i love all of u thats all it takes man! verbal attack doesnt work on me. =D yes im a vain and naive idiot. cheese!

so love was in the air yesterday. many many couples. good business for the theatres and food outlets. best of all the flourist earned big bucks. good timing for chinese new year. golden piggie year indeed. haha!

first aid course these few days. ytd, today and tml my test. i want to pass and i hope i can and i know i can. if i study later. but im really tired. help. anyway, i can do CPR now. moahaha! and help ppl who are choking so those around me, watch out. if i dont like u, i wont save u if u choke or pass out in front of me. its time to suck up to me man!!! *twist*

2007-02-08T21:20:00.000-08:00

poink poink poink.

hmmm... i've been reading some of my friends' blog and i realised something. that i see part of myself in many other people. i can feel their sadness. i want to help but come to think of it. how?

friends that live with a mask on. friends that live to please others when what they are doing are really not what they wanna do. friends that keep everything to themselve. maybe because they dont see the point in sharing with others? because they thinks no one understands them?

yea the list goes on and on. and all of the above, shouldnt i be having the same problems too? so i am not alone. there are dark moments in everyone. i know. that explains all the weird paintings on my wall. sometimes i'll stare at them, not understanding why have i painted that. it was just something i wanted to do at that moment. but why such a sad picture?

but i think its about how a person looks at a matter. when i feel myself suffocating in the mask that im wearing, while my conscious mind is going into a coma, my sub consciousness is twirling. thinking and picturing. and a conclusion will appear. remove that damn mask for a while just to breath. thats when i show myself. sadly, people dont like it at all. so i'll have to put it back on. why?

seriously i dont know the answer. but i believe, one day i will figure it out. how to please myself and others. there has gotta be a way. positive ways. and it will lead me to true happiness. happiness that goes deep down into the core of my bones. something which i can still feel even when im sleeping. or maybe when im dead.

still thinking though......

2007-02-06T20:44:00.000-08:00

wooo leh leh, wooo lah lah.. staying at home makes a person dumb, stupid, retarded, morose, idiotic and fat. yes i haven been working out, no exercises at ALL! its killing me just to eat, watch tv, read and sleep. if life continues like that, in less than a months time i'll be able to break the guinness world record for being the fattest woman on earth. hmmm, will i get money for that?

right anyway, ytd i went to the lighthouse clinic for a medical check up for my ppcdl. well its like finally! today faz and i will be registrating for our theory exam. hopefully its before the attachment but obviously it will fall during the attachment. im worried as i will have alot of OT and i'm afraid i might not be able to rush for the exam. well lets see about it.

ok, off i go to wash up before i head for school. *twist*

2007-01-26T19:43:00.000-08:00

im really bored now and my tummy is throwing a tantrum. its like as if my gastric acids has flowed down to my rectum and chewing the inside out. freak. anyway i just went to the loo to force the crap outta me. i shant go into further detail as its really gross.

yesterday i watched sawIII at my bf's house and that show is gruesome. i kept thinking about it and the disgusting and cruel scenes kept replaying in my mind. that master mind, john, is really a genius. cruel, smart, brilliant to think of such tricky and sure-die games. really bloody show. i like it.

in the evening i went to grace's house for aizhen's birthday. they are really jokers. because aizhen is turning 18 this year so they rented m18 shows. official for her to watch. oh its her only! not all of us. haha! but we watched together eventually. went home at around 10.30pm.

anyway i think mummy has finally agreed to let dada and i be together. i think she is rather reluctant though and has given up hope to stop us from seeing each other. too bad mum. haa! but the tricky part is daddy and relatives. those are hell. i aint gonna bother much now. its my life. live it the way i want it. im going to hell though. god aint gonna forgive my rebellious and barbaric behavior. but still i'll try to be an angel and me the best of me.

might be going to orchard later with my clique of buddies. hopefully it will not rain. exam's over people, its time to celebrate! but attachment will be coming soon so we must have all the fun we can have before we step into the world of workaholics. one life live it. =) *twist*

2007-01-23T23:30:00.000-08:00

alrighty, now's the exam period. the third paper was today. so far we are done with accounts, navigational safety and marine engineering. tomorrow will be freight and logistics and lastly on friday will be ship knowledge. man, i really cant wait for the holiday to start because our attachment starts on the 26th of feb. hopefull i can at least pass my ppcdl theory before i start work. i have not even gone for my medical check. how irritating as the bloody polyclinic didnt want to accept my plea to just give us an eye check as they insist that they can only do certain driving medical reports and that does not include ppcdl. whatever rubbish. money rolling in but they simply tossed it away. FOOLS! sadly i have to go to the private clinics instead. what a waste of money as i'm really broke right now. brother's 21st birthday is coming soon. i heard there's a class chalet next week. this saturday going sentosa for aizhen's birthday. the revenue aint enough to cover the losses. business will eventually close down. and that means i'll be really broke to the extend that i have to chop off my fingers and sell them to the garang guni. sigh.

today's mummy's birthday and yet she seem so sad. because my elder brother took MC today as he is sick. well, mummy's angry because he is always staying home playing games instead of going out to do some work outs to keep his body healthy and fit. on the other hand, she is unhappy because that monster and i still have not spoken a single word since the horrifying unforgettable day. well, i aint gonna speak to that man unless he apologize. i swore my vengence. so long sucker.

dada just passed his second practical. im sad as i really do not like the idea of letting him have a motor licence. isnt it a one way to hell? ok not hell as in death. what if one day something happens to him, what should i do? youngsters now adays, they will say its just a form of transportation, for convenience. but once u get it, its a different story. i trust he will not go back on his words and i hope he will not either as i really really dont like it at all.

met daryl in school just now, got shot listed to attend the first aid life saving course? for free!! yeah, 15th to 17th feb. i wonder how its like. i love attending courses and getting certified. i learnt how important these certifications are when you step into the working world. what makes u different from all the other graduates are these extra skills that u have that none other has. thats what makes a person stands out and thats what attracts the big bosses out there. =)

okay, i gotta go wash up, maybe take a short nap or maybe i should just jump straight to my revision. tomorrow's paper is hell. i really wanna score well for it as i did pretty badly for the same paper the previous time. i want at least a distinction for the semester. just one distinction should be easy ya? yes i can do it! =) *twist*

2007-01-13T00:33:00.000-08:00

feeling kinda out of place now. maybe its just an emotional reaction while listening to the songs playing in my playlist right now. i've been watching the anime school rumble since last night and for the whole of today. kinda tired but i'm almost through it. left a few more episodes to the end of the second season. i cant wait for the third season. hehe.

yup this is the anime which i've been watching. =)

this is the female lead, tenma tsukamoto. kawaii!

this guy here is the male lead, harima kenji. he's so damn cool!!!!!

ok i know its so not me to be crazy over this kinda anime but somehow during the last three weeks of holiday i seem to have fallen in love with this kinda comedy and romance anime. its really hilarious. plot of this anime is basically about this delinquent, harima, who fell in love with the cute and innocent, tenma. so he has been trying to confess to her but each time he tries to do so, tenma will mistook his intention and always assuming he has fallen in love with her close buddies. thus she tries to help him, the more she does the more trouble headed harima feels. ya i dont wanna go on anymore, if not i may have to type a few hundred pages as i'll go into every detail of it. haha!

oooooooooorightoh. im spending the whole of my saturday at home. this is killing me. later i wanna sneak out of my house to meet my bf maybe. and to start shopping for a gift for him. 18th birthday coming. pounding my head as i really dont know what to buy. ah! moreover i'm somehow or rather broke. sobs. but still, i will not let u be disappointed DADA! =)

yeah, about the interview ytd, it went pretty ok. 750 per month? or more? for an attachment. hmmm, money isnt everything. more like the experience that we are after. maybe i'll get it, maybe not. i will not cling on to high hopes as the impact of the fall will be greater if the result turns out sour. hee. there are many oppotunities beckoning me. anyway they will call us by monday if we get it. so im on stand by mood from now till the news is out. hee.

exams coming soon. just another week and TA DA!!! im worried. i have not study for anything but right now i cant do it as my spongie brainie is heavy, it has absorbed alot of stuffs. as in water. meaningless thoughts of all kinds of crazy shit. i will squeeze it dry just before i start my revision next week so i can absorb more. knowledge and not water this time. hee.

alright, maybe i'll just watch a few more eps before i shower and head out. *twist*

2007-01-09T05:34:00.000-08:00

i hate u i hate u i hate u i hate u. i will never forgive u. i hate u. how do u feel having someone ready to stab u right in front of u? if not for my mum i would have died. forget it, i dont feel like blogging already. suddenly dont have the mood. im sorry dear for not understand u. u are trying hard to make me happy. haiz. but. nevermind. i feel like disappearing right now. i feel so sad. i hate everyone. i swear i hate everyone. dont ask me if i hate u because right now i hate everyone. i am being selfish. fuck care. i just hate everyone. no one will understand. they hate listening i know. they dont really care how u feel. just wants to please u and tries to make u happy. maybe they do care, but in the end they only care more about themselves. just dont want u to be sad. and soon u will be forgotten. the sorrows u are having will be forgotten and they expect u to be pleased already. and when u are still grouchy and sad they will be frustrated. but i appreciate. i will not blame them. its not their fault. i get irritated too when someone keeps feeling down. its affecting everyone around u. those innocent ones who has nothing to do with it. nothing to do with your sorrow. so i dont think its a good idea to share your pain. just your happiness. keep you sorrows to yourself. nobody likes it. even i myself hate it. i hate myself for affecting everyone around me. my moodless aura is making everyone upset. im trying to be happy but i cant. i feel really tired. my eyes feel salty. my arms' aching. my head hurts. but i dont really feel the pain. i console myself. i dont want sympathy. i dont need them. i dont want love either. i just want to be alone. i need to be alone. i hate everyone. i will not speak about it anymore. i dont want to speak about it anymore. i want to sleep. hopefully never wake up again.

2007-01-01T07:19:00.000-08:00

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

Be happy, lesser tears.
Do well for my exams.
Get along well with any company which i'll be attached to.
Work during the 9 weeks break.
Maybe if God loves me, let me slim down a lil. JUST A LIL BECAUSE I JUST LOVE MYSELF.
More sailing!!! Gain more experience.
Buy new clothes and bags.
Save money.
Get my ppcdl.
A rocking year with my love ones. Family, Dada, Girl friends. =)

alright im so excited.. its a new year peeps. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! school starts next week. left a lil of gems to complete. did some research though. could really find what i want. its kinda irritating. IT business did some but still not completed. Nav safety gonna complete this wed. Accounts is settled. ah, at least one that sets my heart as ease. not. practically copied and learnt nothing. sigh. im kinda worried. i know nuts about anything. its our final year paper. im scared. i dont wanna do well. GPA at least 3. maintain. i dont wanna deprove but apparently i aint working my brain and its becoming fats which will contribute to the massive weight gain. bad. very bad. ok i aint gonna think about it now. i'll continue with me research tml. im going to bed. really tired!! *twist*

2006-12-27T07:07:00.000-08:00

oooooooooooooooooooooright man, i've been home the whole day. all thanks to my brother's 32inch LCD monitor. crazy asshole. now i have 5 tvs at home. one plasma in the living room. one LCD in my dad's room. another LCD in my brother's room. and two fat tvs in my room. yaya, whatever lousy shit will always end up in my room huh. thanks family. i love u peeps. shit heads. so all i did today was sit on the couch, watched tv. 4 dvds. first was open season, second was american pie 5, third was open water 2, and last was drop dead sexy. open season was kinda funny. american pie 5 was about some kids trying to safe the owl's nest. open water 2 gets on my nerves. sad but stupid people. drop dead sexy was really lame. ya, so i've been in front of the tv since 12 all the way to 6. my brother bought lunch for me. he works at botak jones clementi. tried the cajun chicken, chicken breast, kinda hard. it was alright. not that bad for 6.50. kinda hard but maybe because it was not that sizzling hot when it got delivered home. so its a really boring day. couldnt do my assignments as the net was down due to the bloody earth quake. tomorrow will finally start on accounts. followed by IT business. and gems i need to check it out. lastly my nav. my bro still have not install microsoft and i cant be bothered anymore because im sick of pestering him. he is too busy with his new humongous monitor and he cant be bothered with me either. sadly. sobs. anyway im gonna watch my cartoons now. =) *twist*

2006-12-26T07:08:00.000-08:00

im back yippie. ok im worried about my projects. gems, accounts, it business, nav safety. ain did some of the gems i haven seen them as i dont have micro soft, my bro gonna install it for me tml. so i can only start on thurs. nav safety yiwen did some research so i can start tml. it business can only do it in sch. i think nut's on holiday so gotta wait. accounts i have no idea. but i guess i will contact my pals tml. im tired. the holiday made me restless. haa.

alright i had fun at genting and cameron highland. too bad i missed out the outdoor theme park due to the dense clouds. i was really cold up there. rainy season not really a good choice to go genting as u cant play outdoor games. went on tues and came back on fri. sat went sentosa for holi again. back on sun. went church and out with dada for the count down.

we went grand cathay. broke my slipper. no shoe shops were opened. so unlucky. but thank god an auntie gave us a safety pin and dada helped my fixed it. hee. watched curse of the golden flower. really boring show. it was just the boobs that kept the ppl awake. haha! then went geylang for dinner at erm 2am? haha, had meehoonkuey. i was really sleepy so cabed home with my bf and frenz. uncle didnt want to send them back so they had to wait for the first train. it was 4.30 by then. had lotsa fun. hee.

on christmas day went to grace's hse for gift exchange. barget was below 5 haha!! lame. this christmas seems quiet. the decorations are beautiful but the mood just aint there. it has been raining.

since before the sailing competiton. well we came in last. haha! but it was a great experience. really. its much more fun that sailing a dinghy. saw familiar faces during the race too. jovin the handicap sailor. but overall it was a great experience and i would love to brush up on that as well as my pico skills. i hope i can. i wanna learn. to be a good sailor not a lousy one. during the race it rained continuously, were could in a storm. it was really cold out at sea, no shelter just rain and strong wind. saw a jumping fishy too. dont know what its called. but it hopped outta the water a few times before it disappeared. really cool. haha! i wanna see a blue shark. woohoo.. alright i miss sailing. gonna hit the sack too. assignments starts tomorroW!!!! *twist*

2006-12-13T18:06:00.000-08:00

alright, bad bad me. i sort of overslept today so missed the morning class which was engineering and nav. damn i feel kinda bad. but nut and kaur didnt go either. haha!! ytd was grace's birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN U BASKET!!

haha, and once again my cool rocking babes gave me another surprise. i was hoping i'll have a surprise everyday man! hahaha!! they made this lovely card with all their birthday wishes. kaur the lengthy and happening dedication, faz the short yet sweet message, ain the rubbishy hilarious note, benjamin forced speech, ivan from da heart words and last but not least my dear dinah touchy wouchy poem. it all added up to a wonderful piece of art. haha! the card was filled with love my bitches. haha! thanks again peeps, i really appreciate all the efford from u guys just to make my birthday wonderful and i must say its really really great. greatest ever. =)

rightie, so ytd went to change my shoes, from size 5 to 6. met up dada at cwp. had cavana for lunchie with him. yeah today gonna meet him up again. going to the police station to change his addy and to imm to collect money and also to visit my crazy cheryl. haha. remember what we talked about last night? i wanna make life hard for ur manager but i dont think i will succeed bcoz i bet i will start laughing my butt off. haha! ya, went for confession last night, well, i am sinning like every min? hmmmm... well at least after confession i am a lil cleasned. hee. gotta make myself feel better right.

this is the last week of school. i cant wait for hols to start. tomorrow going pm after which we will have a briefing about our competition this sat and sun. i am scared. only sailed the keel boat once and i am afraid i might just screw up which i really pray i wont. ok i gtg get ready for sch now. *twist*

2006-12-12T07:23:00.002-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

yes everyone loves me, my beloved friends, family and my sweetest bf. haha! this is like the best birthday ever. daddy gets to come back to singapore to celebrate with me after so many lonely birthday years. hehe. my dear SP friends. (GIRLS, U ROCK BABEH!) sweet surprise x2. haha first was the cake at kfc, it was really sweet. and today at nut's lil hut, it was craziness but i had fun! haha, i love those gifts people! thanks loads. my cousins gave me an uber big card with my ugly past pics but still i love it to bits. haha! my sailing club friends, those numbskulls. i actually thought they forgot me and i was really hurt but they threw a lil party for kl and i and got me a mambo bag. kinda weird and kiddy but still i love it. thanks peeps! last but not least, DADA! my dearest bf, got me something really cute and lovely. a winnie in a box with a dazzling gorgeouse necklace around its fat neck. i love it to pieces and its really beautiful. thanks honey!

THANK U EVERYONE!

2006-11-27T06:04:00.000-08:00

alright, actually i've had this skin kinda long ago. just dont have the urge to start using it. but i shall use it for a while because i think its really nice. gleee giggles snort fart. alright kinda pissed actually because mum just nagged at me saying brother and i had spent lots of her money. i was thinking should i take up a part time job? make life easier for her and me as well. i can be a spendthrif, buy whatever i want without giving a second thought. ok maybe later on i will start drawing circles in a corner and curse myself for wasting my hard earned kaching, but what's money meant for? spending. simple one word answer. yes. but i am a very busy woman. working and studying at the same time will screw my life even more. and if i do i bet i'll start chanting or learn some kinda spell that will make my day extend from 24hours to 48hours. woow, that will be blardy tiring but good because i'll have all the time in the world. AMEN!

my brother's gonna get a desk top this week at the up coming IT road show. SITEX. yes and guess what. me, the princess of the house, will have the handover of the throne. (old bulky but useful laptop) yes this lappy will officially be mine. moahaha! which means i can put and store whatever crappish bullshit i want in it without much of a care. yeah! but hopefully this old fella wont cheat on me once it gets in my hands. dont just die out on me because the gonna-be-previous-owner is abandoning you. i will treat you with twice the care babeh! *winks*

alright about today, went for gems. learnt australian accent. was pretty much enjoying the show but why must that kokky sir always stop it half way. how annoying! we went fc4 for a bite, all ate the sambal fish with rice except for ivan and i was telling benjamin his ass will rot tonight. he just messaged me saying his ass is on fire. good for him. i've got a cursed but accurate fortune telling mouth. serious. come try me i'll charge at a reasonable price. hee. yes accounts was as usual boring. had assignment. fcuk care it man i aint gonna be bothered for now. i just wanna play.

accompany my bf to the ns HQ for his check up. haha! his has the FOU on it and everyone there we busy cursing. impt and he has the fastest check up ever. 50mins when its suppose to take 4hours. hey girl's with brothers of bfs, try telling them to do the same! keep postponing. haha! we went to tiong bahru plaza to jalan jalan after that. had a great timie!

okie im going to shower and slp now! *twist*

2006-11-25T23:48:00.000-08:00

ooooo haven blog for sometime. booohooohooo. this week passed pretty quickly dont u think so? so far just gotten back two grades. not so good. just average and im not really glad with my results. argh. cant wait to get back the rest of it. yesterday when to rsyc. paid the bill for the ppcdl course for faz and myself. went out sailing on a keelboat and i almost fainted. the heat was ferocious. had a bad headache after that. came home to rest. i was the trimmer. well, its pretty fun. catches more wind than a laser and pico. and it moves at an average speed though there's just very light wind. hee. i like it.

daddy came back last night. went to the east coast hawker for dinner. came home and chatted with my family. daddy only returns once in a blue moon. so when he does it time to shake the fortune tree. yippie. i wanna make him buy me a pair of shoes as i have none. hee.

today's sailing was cancelled. pretty pissed. i was looking forward to it. but some ppl turned up eventually and they got to sail. i wouldnt blame them as its not their fault becoz the message was posted up late. as usual. well too bad. and next week im working at the sitex so i dont get to sail again. freaking bad timing man. damn it.

xmas is coming soon. time really flies. just a wink of an eye and one year has passed. im getting older. i dont want to. and next year will be our attachment. thats fast and im scared. =( i wonder how it'll be like to step into the working life. meeting much older people who've been through so much more than us. *shudder*

alrightie, later i gotta go church. feeling kinda lazy but there's no escape man. =( and im still waiting for my dear friend AIN for the song lips of an angel and better than me BABEH! haha!! oh and a few more.

2006-11-19T05:07:00.000-08:00

OOOOH RIGHT BABEHS!!! exams over man! chill. but im worried about the result. i screwed my FLOG thats all i can say. i hate myself but yet i still love myself! yeah! ok whatever. last paper was over, went over to RSYC to sign up for the ppcdl course. 230 bucks. paying next friday. then went for a movie with my girl friends at cineleisure. before that went to bukit timah for lunch but poor faz dear lost her wallet. chill babe, i've lost it before. its not the end of the world. just happen to be unlucky babe! u've got us so no worries yea. hee. anyway ya we watched step up and that show makes me wanna dance so badly. how i wish i know how to dance. such a nice body. hmmm.. ya so rushed home showered and met my secondary school pals for dinner at marina south. steamboat. it was filling man. to celebrate chong jia's birthday. the most hilarious part of dinner was when the lala squirted water at sabrina. its was really funny. haha! yea but im glad we met up. i miss them so much.

my secondary school clique. hee.. the notorious girl barbarians of hongkah. oops.

yeah, well and the next day i went to sentosa with my bitch, cheryl babe. haha! babe as in pig. hahahhahaha!! yeah with joachim. we had fun. getting burnt. yes. that crazy woman really funny, she was so hyper and when it ended she was so tired and pissed. seriously. haha. some crazy pictures we took.

smile!! cheryl and i, our killer smile! WAHAHAHA!

joachim and us. when its over.

yeah, we were all tired after the trip. on our way back in the bus something happened too. some muds, stupid gangsters. no offense to my beloved malay babes ya, but just refering to those bloody fools in that bus. i hate these kinda bastards and bitches. what they call minah or mina, hack la. and those guys who act so cool. totally disgusting. they wanted to fight or something so they called the police and the bus has to lock the doors and wait for the arrival of the police. those aunties were so naggy, cheryl that crazy woman belong to the same species. haha! she is so funny cant stand her nonsense.

ya and i slept that night, today went sailing. overslept. i was tired. burnt. dehydrating. terrible. didnt want to go because bloody grace pangseh me. stupid ass and i told everyone she has sore eyes. that bloody idiot. haha. but sailing was hell tiring today. made me even toasted. or cooked i should say. sailed lazer. i was so lousy. sailing was alright i assume but i cant pull myself on board after uprighting. really lousy. help, and maryann wants me to go for the lazer open competition. well i dont think i am going. dont want to. seriously im not ready for it. i'll tell her next week maybe she can encourage shiqi to go instead. haha!

ok tomorrow i have gems boring. but im going shopping with my bf after that. yeah. how lazy can i get. im going to bed soon. slp. i am actually half awake while typing this entry. so pardon me if there's any mistake. hee. *twist*

2006-11-15T19:50:00.000-08:00

EXAMS!!! WAH!!! but seriously man, so far i think all the papers are easy. though i am sure i made alot of stupid ridiculous mistakes but i am also sure its easy to pass. not for me but for everyone. really which ass will say its difficult? crap. today's FLOG. studied till 1.30 last night. now dont feel like studying. haha!

right tomorrow last paper's at PM. ah i wonder what will be tested for practical. hopefully something easy. just knots will be great. haha. after school going out with the girls. evening meeting up my sec buddies for dinner. celebrate chong jiajia boonboon's birdieday. hehe. i miss my pals, haven seen them for so long and i really do hope that banana will go if not i will set her hse on fire. moahaha.

sat going sentosa with cheryl and probably joachim. celebrate her birdieday too. goodness nov is like hell so many birdiedays. ya having picnic. ah aha! have not told my mum yet. but i'll ge the sandwiches and maybe some snacks. hehe.. cant wait babeh!

alright i really have nothing to do, flipping through my notes. reluctant to read. meeting ain at 2. my god, 1 hr and 40mins left. so damn long. im bored.

2006-11-10T21:13:00.000-08:00

norch titus and jelly bean, my babies.
love them so so much. ok i'll show u guys their picture one day alright? =)

ytd went out with dada, our 20th anniversary. yes i will think it over but u should know not to have high hopes as i've solemnly swore to myself. however ytd was the happiest time we had together. seriously. thanks baby for everything. its hurts to see u so hurt. it feels good to have someone loving u so deeply. i felt blessed. however we managed to put our problems aside last night and spent the night like we've just met. we did some shopping together, something which we seldom do in the pass. went for a show, the convenant, it was good wasnt it? went for a walk by the sea. so lovely. chit chatted and had dinner together. isnt it like such a perfect date? a date which we never had in the past? i was really the happiest woman on earth last night. right now when i think about it, i really hate myself for being so selfish. u are just so innocent. too good for me. really. but i cant repay your kindness and love, i hate myself. the one person whom i love most is myself yet the one person whom i hate most is also myself. so contradicting. anyway i'll think through my decisions. u are sick right now, i do pray hard u will recover soon.

that day was out with cheryl. no one is greater than her. she's the only one whom understands me and she's definitely a good wall to talk to. WAHAHAHA. ooopsie... hehe. but yes girl u are the godess. love ya. we went for a swim. then went to her place for dinner. her dad cooks good food. very healthy food man. i love it. yummilicious. then we went to catch a show together. the guardian. just like umizaru. some coast guard show. but its really touchy. we got scolded in the theatre as we were talking too loudly. the lady beside me was like,"excuss me can u guys please calm down." haha! i was like," oh, so sorry!" haha. so we were quiet through the whole show but that lady farted la, cheryl said twice but i heard once. disgusting bugger. remains me of the fart machine AIN!!! WAHAHAHA!

alright i just sent my gems essay. hope it isnt too late and that dumb benjamin. ain told me he thinks its a grp assignment so he did nothing. well good luck dumb ass. WAHAHAHA! im gonna study now. bad weather. looks like its gonna pour. *twist*

2006-11-09T00:11:00.000-08:00

i've done it. but this is the last time i swear. i am never going back. never. its hell each time i do. and its hellier each time i try to. i did not only screwed my life but yours too. i've been selfish i am sorry. but being with you i am being more selfish because knowing that one day i will leave you again. i am holding back my feelings and emotions, i am not going to throw it out neither am i going to think about all the past because i know if i do i wont be able to control my humble self. right now my words are like pebbles being thrown directly at your heart, but u dont know each rock i threw are being thrown back at me with triple the strength. you do not trust me i understand. all the feelings u have for me and the thoughts u have about me i know them well too. it hurts when u say i talk like a bitch each time we quarrel, and it hurts when u say those nasty stuffs. but i know why u said all these. i am no better. but i do not call you a bastard or jerk do i? you say i speak arrogantly, but have u looked at the way you speak? its ok no one will ever look at themselves. they will only judge others. right now when i think about what u've said, i felt so hurt. is there anything i can do to stop these tears from flowing? is there any breakups that doesnt hurt a single bit? can someone just tell me what i should do? can i share my feelings with someone without gaining any pity or nasty remarks? what am i to do now? i just ended a close to two years relationship. and i wasnt ditched by him, i initiated it. so who is the bad one here? me isnt it? its my choice but why am i feeling so miserable? he hates me now. thats a very painful word. but i know he must be feeling worse. because it is obvious he loves me more than i do. we came from two worlds apart. his friends must have hated me, i know. neither do my friends like him. why?
does all relationship end up this sour? but at least now i felt a sense of relief. no more fear of hiding from my parents. seriously its best to be with someone whom your parents agree to. because it will be a happy and carefree relationship. serious. what should i do now? i dont know. i cant imagine living without him because i am so use to having him around, even though i can ignore him for so long but i know he is still there. but this time it feels different, he is no longer there. he's going to move on. he is not coming back i know. a part of me feels relieved yet the other half is crying for him not to go. i cant imagine whats the future like. i am afraid to wake up crying and having nightmares of losing him. but still its my decision isnt it? i can choose to be with him forever but right now i am going to let go. i know i have to. i am going to write out all my sorrows on a wall, i am going to stamp it with my blood. but i will let the rain wash it away while my feelings flow with the washes down blood. i dont want to hear anything right now. neither do i want to see anything. i am not going to do any work either. i will go kill my feelings now.

2006-11-08T22:13:00.000-08:00

bloggy bloggy, backie wackie. man, today is the fourth day of elearning. and elearning really suck. seriously and i hate it. pui! finished all but left with the fireworks and the MCQ for marine engineering, cant access though.

later i'll be going swimming with cheryl. most likely if it doesnt rain. but it is definitely impossible as the sky is so greyish. hehe. anyway, her daddy's cooking dinner its kinda embarrassing to join but since she's my bestie i shall go. hehe.

have been doing my gems since morning till now. finished actually. hmmm i feel like studying now actually but you dont know how lazy i am man! maybe later, i feel like taking a nap now, seriously. but i just had my lunch so i cant nap. so piggy.

haiz anyway sometimes i really just feel like migrating oversea. i regretted not agreeing to go germany. how i wish i could turn back so alot of things wont be happening. sometimes i will think am i the only one in the world who has this kinda rubbish problems which seems so easy to solve yet i cant solve it. oh god please enlighten me. but i've sweared not to care anymore. i'll just be myself. selfish, yeah whatever.

2006-11-03T18:38:00.000-08:00

rise and shine everyone goodie morning.. rightie, today gonna go study with my friends. kaur, faz, nut and ain. exam's the following week man. next week elearning. and i know nuts about what im studying. damn.

on thurs i met cheryl and we had dinner together at vivo city. shopped a little. i like the clothes there but its kinda ex man, no money. we bought some undies. cute lil undies. hehe. anyway we had our dinner at the food republic. fcuk man, i will recommend no one there! haha.. we ordered the mixed vege rice and damn mine cost 5 bucks and cheryl's wahahhaha, 7.5 bucks. she was busy cursing and swearing. laughing my butt out! LOL. but the best part of the day was, when the two of us bought yakult and papa beard and when we sat by the sea side to chat. lots to talk to each other. catching up. talked about her life, friends and her trip to bangkok. hilarious. haha. had a great and wonderful time. i always feel good when im with her. always feel like im being myself and i dont have to put up a mask in front of her. i can fart burp vomit or wadever shit without caring if she minds or not. wahaha, ok not that disgusting but i bet she will too. WAHAHA! and thanks babe for the gifts u got me. i love them lots. *huggies* thanks for always being there for me girl. =)

ytd went to help dada pack his stuffs. goodness gracious its a cloud of dust. haha! then went to cut my hair. not much of a diff my mum said. but its kinda little now. i kept the length though. next week gonna help him pack more as he is moving soon. then we shall go shopping together! moahaha..

rightie, mummy's gonna cook lunch. hmmm.. kinda hungry. and i cant wait to start studying. dont know why. maybe becoz i know nothing and thats what pushing me to learn about it. haha. but now its just food in my mind. FOOD! *twist*

2006-10-31T02:49:00.000-08:00

BWAHAHAHA!!! yeah, i haven blog for so super long, my bloggy missed me i know. =) anyway today i was feeling pretty down. no mood at all. =( last night had some talk with my bf which turned out sour. slept at 2 going 3am. very tired. but thankfully its ok now. still a little bitter but i'm sure things will turn out sweet and life will spice up again right dada? hehe..

anyway he's moving house soon, yeah i cant wait to help him pack up. moahahaha. tml i have dental appointment at 3.30. so late, meeting dada after that. damn so late maybe i should meet him before that. i thought my appt was 2. screwed up. at night i have to go church, but maybe i can make up and excuse and skip church or maybe not. shall see about it.

this sunday we are going to have our basic sailing level one assessment. ah!! i'm nervous. i dont wanna screw up. i just wanna get the cert over and done with. pray hard for me peeps.

right i guess im going to bed now. very tired. best weather to knock off. *twist*

2006-10-24T04:59:00.000-07:00

right right, SELAMAT HARI RAYA!! this is specially dedicated to dinah, faz and ain my darlings. haha! hope you guys had fun. EATING! haha, finally can eat huh. lets feast on wednesday girls. haha!

well i've been rotting home for the whole day. suppose to go meet cheryl today but its her dad's birthday so backed out. anyway i went to central to get my new specs. looks nerdy and ordinary, well, thats the way as i want no attention. i'll be getting it on thurs. hehe.

anyway my bf is working today so i couldnt meet him up. at least for a show honey. =( he is working at this factory, stock taking. he says its tough. haha! poor thing. well i rot at home u are working so hard.

i feel like sleeping man, so bored at home. reading my novel the whole day. i am going to continue now, ciaoz! *twist*

2006-10-20T03:37:00.000-07:00

hey everyone, im back. =) well, every is asking how's de MEL camp, all i can say is, "its alright." yup, nothing much, but i did learnt some stuffs none others would have learnt. such as mr khoo swee chow's talks, stars navigation etc. one symbol of the camp. hehe. i will upload the rest of the pics another day when i receive all de pics i can get.

alright, today i went to poly marina for lesson. after sch when i was on my way back i received a news from Eve. a shocking and devastating news which up till now, none of us can accept. Alex passed away last night due to an accident. haiz. ppl should nv ever ride or drive without a licence. that poor guy wasted his life due to mischieve and stubborness. i was so taken aback and this is the first time, feeling the fear of death. one moment you are there, the next u are not. unpredictable. Alex had been a good guy. always smiling. remembered when we were young, my brothers, his sisters, him, our frenz, we hang out together. now thinking about it brings back memories. its really hard to accept his death. all of us in the church miss him badly i believe and we will all pray for him. i noe god will take him to heaven. he still serve god on sunday, being an altar boy who always turns up for mass whenever they needed him. i bet his family must have broken down. when my brother told me how he died, it was really heartbreaking. really. i haven been in contact with his sister ah ber for a long time. i really wonder how is she. he is her only brother, the only son. i feel sorry for her and her family. i put myself in her shoes, what if the same happened to my brother? wad will i do? i cant imagine how devastated the ppl around will be. and what if its my bf who now wants to learn a bike? what if something bad like this happen? will these loved ones of mine be able to say their last words to us whom care? will they even have the last breathe to regret or ask for forgiveness from God? thats why i dont wan my bf to learn how to ride a bike. car is safer though de risk is still there. ur life is protected by metal but a bike's life is protected by ur flesh. is it really worth it? no. i am going to his funeral soon anyway. i am afraid to see his body though. the fact of losing someone u nv thought of is just unbelievable. who would have thought about it? no one. my mum kept crying, my dad was dumb founded. he was like our brother and a son to the church.

haiz, alright i dont know what else to say. he is gone, God has taken him. may he rest in peace. well for now all we can do is to pray for him. im going off soon. *twist*

2006-10-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

ah i wanted to type so much but i suddenly feel so down. sometimes someone's words will just affect u strongly. though it may be nothing intentional, still the impact is there. *sigh*

last night i had a great time with my girl friends at cwp's swensens. love ya girls. haha! i miss my sec sch friends. sabrina, cheryl, ys, wenting etc. these buddies are not in my sch so seldom get to see them. haiz. miss them really damn much. SEE THIS BABES!!! HAHA!!!

ya, some MEL camp talk in sch, STUPID TALK! how did it end up to be a sexual prevention talk? how irritating. these words will nv get into teenagers' head la! de more u prevent, the more curious they'll get so why not just let these curious cats DIE since they are so curious. since they have been warned and since they already knew the dangers of sex why must they still do it. so if they are so curious just let them be and the consequences are theirs. im just sick of these kind of talks. gets on my nerves.

alright maybe because im pmsing thats why im like venting my anger here but hey, isnt that what most ppl will do? vent their anger in a blog? =) yeah.

im meeting my bf for dinner tml. yeah, finally.. haha! ya i know we just had lunch together on monday but it was two days ago. seems like years. hmmm, love is something great yet sometimes it just isnt. it feels good to be loved, but the feeling sucks when something goes wrong and a war starts. it feels good to love someone too, but the feeling sucks when both parties get hurt. alright, just typing how i feel. dont get de wrong idea honey, i do love u lots. =) *huggies*

alright, im tired. im going to bed. *twist*

2006-10-06T06:44:00.000-07:00

DIARY OF JANE - BREAKING BENJAMIN

If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

No

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be

Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

There's a fine line between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say that I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love
Die for anyone
What have I become

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place
In the diary of Jane

oh yeah i am in love with this song. it songs so woolala man!!! wahaha! another lovely song is "sexyback" by justin timberlake. haha. really secay babeh. lol.

today at PM, tying knots. pretty fun learnt to tie the diff kinds of knots. haha! next week we will be taking SP dover out to sea. yeah.

after that met mum at westmall. was waiting in the lin ain msged me. that silly girl was locked outside her own home haha! so funny. stupid sia. lol!!!!! lucky she not raped. haa. ya had swensens with mummy. good prmo they have for lunch. haha. free soup drinks and dessert for any pasta and main course. hehe.

went to the hospital, doc says its better though its still bad. he says lucky i went earlier bcoz if i had gone later there goes my eye. i will lose my vision forever. means blurish vision for life. omg! no! really thank god. AMEN! haha! however he says my eye will PROBABLY recover. kinda glad yet afraid when i heard this word. it weighs alot. i might and might not. ya thats scary isnt it. haha. anyway i believe i will. going back for another check up next next week on the 20th of oct. my cousin's birthday. yeah.

ok, im going to slp. tml going to miss out all the fun at PM. they celebrating mooncake festi. but NVM i will have my own fun. isnt it my dar dar? hehe. lil secret. wahaha. ya anyway, HAPPY MID AUTUME FESTIVAL!!

yup, i shall end here, im tired. my bf hasnt call me. im gonna call him. poor thing i think he has some problems at work. hope the boss will be reasonable. yeah, thats all. *twist*

2006-10-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

oo yeah peeps. haha! today is a long long day in school man. so sickening. lessons were all BORING!

ok anyway today well, i am suppose to pms BUT end up gurvin was the one pmsing. donno what bit her or something she seems to be very irritated. crazy babe. haha. and nut thinks she looked pregnant today. lol!

oh ya, yeah i can go for the cruise trip. woohooo! im so so happy man. lol.. nut ain can too. but im sad gurvin and faz cant. i hope they can man. nisah still aint sure. right. but lets pray the two girls can go and it'll be our party man! oh i forgot to tell my bf! oppz! message u now. haha!

today on my way back in de bus, ain bully me. she is the meaness lil brat ive ever seen. seriously. she looks angelic and nerdy but she is NOT! HELL NO!!

ya so tml we are going dover den take cab. if not morning pic hour take from bukit batok damn ex la. she say wan pay, pay ur stupud goon goon head la! haha. so scared of roads still learn driving. lol monkey. haha..

hmmm, i wan to add music to my blog actually i already did but it isnt playing stupud thing.

tml going to the hospital again, sickening doctors. im going to the specialize la, don wan go hospital again la, waste money. idiotic doctors. haha. ok thats it for now. *twist*

2006-10-02T06:04:00.000-07:00

argh, i was just telling grace and cy how stupid it is to vent ur frustration in a blog, should get alive. well i guess i am dead wrong. its just de best place to SHOUT OUT LOUD like FUCK!!! yeah, it doesnt make me feel better though. FUCK FUCK FUCK! of all the words why fuck? ok lets try something like BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBOOOOOOOOOOOBOOOOOOOOOO!! ok, maybe because i'm just typing. no feel. i have to do the real thing like really shout but i cant do it bcoz ppl in my naighbourhood or my family will think im crazy. actually i dont really give a damn but to save me the trouble of explaining on de later part of the day i think i should just hold myself back. tolerance. like @#$!@#$@#, argh! just so frustrated.

ya, i just had an argument with my bf BCOZ i am always so "lucky" to have my appointments on either monday or friday. both days which i end sch early and both days which i can go look him up. WELL, its not like i planned it or something. its just like crazy coincidence. hell! as if i wanted it to happen. why should i create trouble for myself. isnt it stupid? argh. anyway, the doctor planned the days, its their schedule. what can i do? stupid doctors. cant they just check it all in one day! save me the trouble of going down to the hospital in two or maybe even three consecutive weeks just for a short look at my bloody damaged cornea. fucking contact lens. stupid abrasion. moronic petrol. its just my luck la. if only 4D and toto is so lucky as well. woo, then i wouldnt mind all these crazy luck i'm having now.

ok my dear, i know you feel unhappy becoz i promised i will come find you. i am sorry. i am always saying just this period of time. yayaya. i know its my wrong. anyway i hope u will put urself in my shoes. with a mum that doesnt allow u to be in a relationship. to be pleasing everyone and coping with a tight schedule at the same time. trying to enjoy what u like doing but at the same time fearing you partner will be unhappy about it. having an ambitious ego like studying very hard and getting very good results so i can have a good job in future, but, knowing well you cant accomplish it as ur partner shares a different perspective point of view. how would you feel? my mum doesnt know about us and im trying hard to hide it. u know how hard that is? i have a very packed week. monday and friday are the only days during the weekdays which i end early but like i've told u earlier, sometimes i really wish to have fun with my friends. though you are my bf, i should be fair to you, but ya, i do come find you whenever i can. tues and thurs i really end late. wed and sun i have my cca. i know u hate my cca bcoz of it i aint spending enough time with u. but, why am i still reluctant to quit? bcoz i like my cca. u would say its bcoz of the guys in there but like shit man, its not. im in this cca bcoz i really like sailing. u know the feeling of being out at sea, sailing. it feels really good. saturday i do come and find u when i am free. i always find ways of lying to my mum just to get to meet u. but u are complaining saying i am not going to find u bcoz of my stupid appointments. why not think of the past when i came to find u almost everyday without complaining. u know how tired that is to travel all the way from sch to woodlands after a day of waking up early most of the time? but bcoz i love u thats why i aint complaining though sometimes i do and that is only when u are trying to argue with me so i'll just voice all my unhappiness. i am really glad being with u. but i cant let go of my teenage fun just to please u my dear. life? its all about how u spend it. know im 17, i just wanna be what i wanna be. i just wan to have fun. with u, with my friends, with everyone. not that kinda fun like in the pub or wadeva, but like hanging out playing eating chatting. when im old, i wont even be meeting my friends often anymore. when i am old, we will all be more mature and we will be together most of the time then. so right now why cant i have my way too? yes i am selfish, i didnt think about u. thats definitely what u will say. i know. i agree. but bcoz i know u will feel this way, thats why i am feeling guilty. thats why i am trying to sometimes push away my other funs for u. i am happy being with you. really happy. its only when i am not with you, thats when the pressure comes to me.i really do feel like forgetting everything. like i have no worries. what for stress myself out? u are not stressing me. my mistake actually. come to think of it, its me stressing myself out. the choices i made. the steps i took. these choices thats making me feel so depressed. im not trying to complain much actually. i know you work most of the time and its really tiring and u miss me and yet i am not looking u up and thats what pisses u off. i know u feel that i do not miss u and i am lying to you about something and u do not trust me becoz of what i've done in the past. but no my dear, i do miss u alot and i am sad when u do not reply to my messages but i know bcoz u must be busy with work. i am sad when i cant look u up, when the doctor says i have a next appointment on friday and i cant look u up again. i feel fear and sadness. fear bcoz i know we will quarrel and i hate it. sadness bcoz i cant get to meet u. i am sad each time u say i am lying that i have some other guy friends that i am hiding from u bcoz i swear i do not have. i am not interested in other guys anymore, i may find them goodlooking but so? its not love. i am sad when i know u do not trust me but i cant expect u to trust me bcoz of the past and ur fear. i've made a mistake once twice thrice. but i wont do it anymore bcoz each time before i do something ur words will come into my mind and i'll just back off instantly. u are scared of losing me and u are sick of chasing me. i am scared to lose u and i am afraid u wouldnt come back to me anymore. many ppl would tell me u aint the right guy for me, u look like a gangster blah blah blah, but they didnt look at the good side of u. u are honest. u treat me so good. u love me so much. blah blah blah. many ppl would tell u i aint worth ur effort to go after bcoz i do not cherish u, there's nthing great about me, i treat u like shit. but is that true? maybe it is really true. i dont know how u feel or what u think about me. but i know, to me u are great. though maybe we are from different world but we are comfortable and happy with each others company isnt it? we have great times together, laughing and crapping. though sometimes we quarrel but deep down inside we are both hurt. thats why we yell and shout at each other. even crying silently isnt enough.

haiz, what do i feel now. fear. what is fear, its false evidence appearing real. probably. or just fuck everything and run. which is fear? i dont know. what the doctor said makes my hair stand on ends. it brings a cold down my spine. i can feel myself trembling inside though its not cold at all. "at this age u shouldnt have this really bad condition. so i am directing u to my colleague who specialize in corneas as u seem to have a very bad eye. your cornea isnt smooth at all and it looks pretty bad." ya how do u feel if u have these words thrown at u. i do not know hw to react so i just nodded. but i was like wtf? what do u mean? i dont wanna come back to the hospital. i hate the sight of medicine. now i have to drip four kinds of eye drops in my eyes. one stings, one makes my vision really blur, one feels moist and one pricks. i didnt want this to happen. why didnt i listen to my mum when she says contact lens are bad for the eyes? my eyes were perfect once but it aint the way it were anymore. its ruined now. i dont even know whats the future of it. will i recover or do i have to stick with these blurry eyes forever? i dont know. and i wish to know but i am afraid to find out the truth too. i am afraid it might be something i dont wish to hear. probably i will find out this friday. i am really scared. but who is there to comfort me? my bf will scold me, blame me for going sailing. my mum will scold me, nag at me for not listening to her in the past. my friends wouldnt understand how i feel. only god knows but he wouldnt be there to give me a hug. so who am i left with? no one but myself. i have to face the world with a smile saying i am fine and i am ok. but deep inside, i dont really know how i feel.

i dont think anyone will read the whole of my entry bcoz ppl are only interested in talking about themselves like what i am doing now. and ppl will only be interested in ppl who are similar to them but no one is similar to me. who would bother to read a lengthy and boring entry, one full of complains and anger, frustrations and fears, tears and sorrows. who? anyway i cant be bothered. ppl are happy the way they live, ya, thats life and that should be the way. so i shouldnt be complaining so much, just wanna type whats in my heart. i need no comments nor suggestions. no comforts or pat on the shoulder bcoz i am fine. yes in reality. i am fine. whatever. *twist*

2006-09-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

ooo yeah babeh, new skin how's it? nice?? hehe, well not really done with it. i will deco it with lotsa pics. but i forgot all the codes i used to have. darn. all those nice and cool effects. fading, cloudy, spinning etc. darn. i used to memorise all those diff codes when i was in sec 3. haha. anyway doesnt matter, slowly pick up some from different sites. hehe.

tml sailing im giving it a go. my bf don allow me to go. my mum too. sian. i miss de feel out at sea. i have fallen in love with de sea breeze. but i love de ocean breeze. really nice. i remember last time when i went on a cruise. we got de side cabin that has a balcony. so at night i slept there. so cool. its just de water and de sky. of coz with de moon so bright. damn damn beautiful haha. and the wind so damn strong. ooo im loving it. haha!

right enough of day dreaming. just now i went to catch a movie with dada, woooo. stay alive. pretty scare but a cool show man! nice nice. haha! must watch. maybe they should make it more gruesome. haha! if not no kick. haha!

ya ain dude passed her theory test. haha! de main one 2 weeks time ya. u can do it dude! we are all waiting for de glory (car). haha. yeah i am going to bed anyway.. slp slp slp. *twist*

2006-09-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

all praise to de lord, yippeee.. hehe, i have three days MC. today my sec day but i went to sch ytd. today i skip de morning classes, i couldnt wake up. my eyelids were glues together due to de medication. pain sia. den i hack ah, just slp. now going to sch liao. there was a change in time table and i didnt noe. thank god dinah and gurvin called me. haha.

well, how did i get myself into a three days MC. it was a disaster which led to the destroyal of my beautiful eyes. ok, pui.

sunday after sailing we were washing de boats. after washing daryl found a spoilt fuel pump or pipe wadeva that is and started pumping. busy mumbling at the saa. those baskets who ruined it. ya, so a few of us were standing around, curious. pump pump pump splash. damn it, de petrol CUM liao. fcuk. and i damn suay la, standing right infront splash all over my face. at first i couldnt feel anything den sudden it just came. my face was burning and my eyes are melting in the socket. fcuk man. damn pain la. i thought of de worst. i dont wanna go blind mama! so all i did was scream and cry. haha. they pulled me to de hose and forced me to open my eyes to rinse out de petrol. it was hell man. then i went to de toilet and continued rinsing. damn my eyes. everything was blurry and it was painful. well and blah blah blah i ended up in de hospital having 4 big bags of saline water running over my bare eyeballs. it was bloodshot man. dat wasnt de worst. de doc put some medicine in my eye and numbed it. and she started using a cotton butt to rub my eyeball as there were some sticky petrol stuck on it. hais. yea dats de end of it.

well, i shant continue, pretty sad. my bf was scolding and cursing. lol. sorry dada bcoz i didnt listen to u when u didnt allow me to go sailing. hehe, but tat day i had fun sailing de lazer wor.. hehe... so dont angry le k. hehe.. right, i am going sch now. *twist*

2006-09-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

yeah, i love my blogskin. though it seems boring but hey! its captain jack! bet my boyfriend will be so jealous but dada dear, u will be de first right, no worries. captain jack is just my idol. hehe.. yeah, why i chose this skin, well, its pretty plain but most importantly, it has gotta do with pirates. yeah man, pirates are cool. one piece rock. =P right, crap.

anyway just now went lot1 for a show with dada. we watched the haunted apartment. haha! he dan xiao gui. i oso. two scardy cats. so funny. but i find that show funny. well, no one else laugh in de cinema, in fact there were less than 10 ppl in there. sian 1/2. well, that show not that bad la afterall.

ya, tml is sunday. and the following day, monday. SCHOOL REOPEN! CHEERS. finally sch start then can take money from mummy. hehez... haiya pretty useless ar me, the whole holiday rotting at home. watch dvd. boring life. but hey cant be helped, whole family kena food poisoning sia. sibei suay. thanks to that newton circle stupid stall which sells seafood that aint fresh. still dare tell us to go back again. go ur mother's head la. bloody hell. make my whole family suffer so much. went to de doc twice lor. now still recovering. hopefully wll recover fully by tml.

tml got sailing. dada dont want me go, mama oso don wan me go. but i am going. so stubborn. but dont worry my dears, i will take care. promise. tml dada going for an ear piercing nagging in de morning at his work place. so poor thing. dont worry honey, i will pray for u. be brave! kick that stupid daren's butt! he suck! hehe.

okie, i shall end here, its pretty late. i gotta get up at 8. ah! good night bloggy. *twist*

2006-09-19T22:01:00.000-07:00

oh yea i am back! the world must have missed me so badly but this new blog is a little secret. shhh... dont wish to see a bunch of noobs knocking on my blog. shoooshooo.. anyway, it was boredom which led me to the creation of this new boring blog. maybe i shall nourish it with a little deco, give it some life to blossom when i am free. ya, thats it for now. *twist*